I think I have weird superstitious ideas about the health of my body due to my Korean parents and their crazy evaluations of where illness comes from.
According to my parents, illness comes from an evil heart, a bad mind, and the lack of belief in God.
Either that or I’m just neurotic w/o any explanation but..not really… about the relative health of my body.
When I say “not really” I mean I rarely think about whether my body is pockmarked with some kind of mysterious illness but when I think something is wrong with me, I become hyper sensitive and then come to the conclusion that I might have cancer.
CANCER.
Was probably the most popular method my mother used for deterrance-like methods.
For example:
IF my mother felt like we were eating too many sausages at the table she would say, “Don’t eat too much sausages! You get cancer!”
Whatever she felt her children were taking in excess, she whipped out the CANCER weapon.
After a while, of course, my siblings and I caught on and thought it was absolutely ridiculous BUT, deep down inside, there is always this irrational niggling feeling that someday, somehow, if I ingest something, whether edible or not, in “excess”, I will get cancer. Those thoughts are there. I know it. Even though its completely irrational.
IRRATIONALITY.
BECAUSE, it’s so bizarre, perhaps thats why it sticks. Maybe that’s just what Korean mothers are absolute experts at. Using irrational logic, inserting it into their children’s brains, and letting it simmer slowly even though the individual CLEARLY knows it makes no sense at all.
That might also be the reason WHY, so many of us Korean daughters work extra hard to fight back those ideas because the seeds are planted in our minds from childbirth and once we develop a mind of our own we start desperately trying to sow our own seeds to help color our garden a bit.
Anyways, all of this crazy talk about my body right now stems from my first visit to the chiropractor today.
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This morning, I woke up with a painful kink in my neck. I have periodically had these “kinks” after a night of sleep, thinking they were just from sleeping funny. In the last 6 months, I have been having them more than usual.
This morning, I woke up with a nasty kink and decided, hey, why not get it massaged out? I have insurance now to do that! So I asked my mom to set up an appt. with her chiropractor. He also does acupuncture which was something I have always wanted to try.
Turns out that this “kink” isn’t from sleeping funny. It’s from loose ligaments in my neck from studying my whole life hahaha.
He told me that its very common among his young asian patients because all we apparently seem to do, because of parent expectations, is study our asses off. (I know, totally plays into the asian stereotype but kinda makes sense at a general level).
He said, that once I start getting tingling and or pain sensations in my arms, to tell him, right away.
Well….that surprised me because this past week, I have been having these really funny tingling sensations throughout my arms.
So I told him, and then he said, “O no..that’s not good” in a really exaggerated Korean way that scared the shit out of me.
Basically, to make long story short, my ligaments are loose, my neck bones are kind of out of sync cuz of it, and its irritating my nerves causing the funny tingling sensations.
With treatment I can strengthen everything to improve everything.
SO.
I tell my mom and she gets really worried and one of the first things she says is,
“O no, what if you can’t get married because of this. O no, I know you really want to get married.”
No. Mom.
First of all, I never heard of someone not getting married because of a loose ligament in her neck that can be treated.
And No. Mom. I never knew that I really wanted to get married.
BUT YET, a couple hours later I start thinking, hmm… what if this loose ligament in my neck will affect or become a weird issue in my future relationships?
WELL NO ANNA IT WON’T BECAUSE THE IDEA MAKES NO SENSE AND ITS CRAZY.
But even now, I’m thinking, what if, somehow, I have cancer afterall, and me writing about this silly notion to make fun of how idiotic I sound will actually curse me and years later I’ll actually find out I have cancer and crumple to the floor and mouth 2 words.
“How ironic.”
To make this whole loose ligament business so much worse, my dad calls me over and asks me to sit down really close to him.
He then says, “Anna, its because your heart is in the wrong place, and you have not been following God well.”
I roll my eyes and walk away, but there is still a screaming part of me saying, “O you are a bad person Anna. Loose Ligament is your punishment right now for straying from God.”
Somehow, the realization that I have a physical dysfunction has led to dire prospects of marriage and the conviction of my black soul.
No wonder, I’m slightly crazy…
Well marriage right now is a far cry when I can barely handle normal male relationships so I probably just won’t get married.
And well..my black soul..I’ll have to work on that.
“First of all, I never heard of someone not getting married because of a loose ligament in her neck that can be treated.”
hahahaha i laughed out loud at your post. hope your ligaments strengthen soon! my sister had really bad neck problems too but she got better after going to the chiropractor so no worries!